I've been having trouble with this post . . . it's been in draft mode for a couple weeks now, and I can't seem to find the words to pull my thoughts together. I'm going to try to pound it out.
Over the past few weeks, things have really slow down for me. I was running on adrenaline all summer and now that things are slower, I'm having a hard time getting back into it. I haven't done any school work, even though I've had tons of time to do so. Instead, I'm procrastinating ... like usual. This stresses me out.
Life is taking over and has been constantly on my mind. At times it feels as if it is spinning out of control. The moment I start planning for the future with various expectations of what I want is the moment we are reminded that life doesn't work that way. I have been reminded of that at various different instances in my life. The biggest one that comes to mind is when I lost my job last year. At that moment I was looking for another job and possibly considering a total career change. I sensed that my time there was almost over. Anyway, the day before I was let go, I had applied to nursing school kind of on a whim. I had considered it before, but never seriously. So I took that as a sign that I was headed in the right direction. So, even though I had never seriously considered nursing, I was kind of pushed into that direction. I'm pretty sure that if I had not lost my job, I never would have stopped working to go back to school. At that moment in my life, I was still kinda-sorta-maybe hoping the med school thing would happen. But like I said, whenever I try to make plans, I'm reminded that there are other things that I should be doing with my life.
I feel like things are always out of our control, but we still get to make our own decisions. I know, I know ... they're opposites. I guess that what I'm trying to say is that I do get to make my own decisions and what I think is right. But if those things that I decide on aren't "right," I'm brought back towards the right direction. I think in life I just have to trust. Trust that things will work out. Trust that the experiences I have . . . whether positive or negative . . . are for the best and will lead me into the right direction.
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