Spread your wings and fly

Last week I met some new people. All super nice and really cool.  One of them is a girl who just recently moved to Indy to be closer to her boyfriend . . . well--now ex-boyfriend.  She's a really sweet girl. Young. Brave. Outgoing.

As we chatted and got to know each other, I found out that she was working with inner-city, underprivileged kids in D.C. for a non-profit organization. She was out there for two year and got a lot of really good life experience.  While out there she met a guy, who had recently gotten out of a relationship, and started dating him.  He, then, moved to Indy for a job, so for awhile, they had a long distance relationship.  She would fly out here every other week or so, and he would make his way out to D.C.

So about 4 weeks ago after 8 months of dating, she moved to Indy after finding a job here to be closer to him.  Three weeks after settling down, he broke up with her because he needed time to think.  She knew that he had been talking to his ex but wasn't worried about it.  So when I met her last week, it had been about 5 or 6 days since he had talked to her.  So she had no idea what was going on or where she stood in his life. She was hoping that things were going to turn around and he would welcome her back into his life.

So, when we grabbed dinner last Friday, she told me he had finally "talked" to her.  While g-chatting, he divulged that he had only been using her and that he wants to marry his ex. Basically just kicked her to the curb.

As she told me her story she still had a smile on her face and seemed happy with life.  Of course she is sad and is dealing with the break-up, but she is still optimistic about life.  Because she had moved out here to be with him, she's decided to get out and make Indy her own.  She's making new friends and moving on with her life.

So while her story makes me sad, and my heart hurts for her, I take comfort in her story.  Knowing that there are other people who are going/have gone through similar (in this case worst) circumstances makes the world feel just a little bit smaller.  It helps us to see each other as people instead of individuals going through life.  It helps you to see that number one, you are not alone in your pain and hurt; and number two you are not alone in your suffering.

Despite the fact that she is younger than me, I think she has a lot to teach me.  She moved to D.C. from the Midwest after college to a brand new city.  She then did it again to be closer to her boyfriend, who she is not  dating anymore. To me this takes a lot of courage! I think she's an incredibly brave. In my life, I have always "needed" someone there with me when trying out new things.  I am going to take a page from her book and be brave.  She gives me more inspiration and determination to eventually become a travel nurse.  While I think it would be cool to get to live at different places around the country for short periods of time, the idea frightens me as well.  I'm not very good at being alone and not knowing many people around me.  But she gives me hope and inspiration to do so.  She gives me courage to fly and pursue those interests in which I don't know that I "can" do.   I hope to get to know her better and, most definitely, become better friends.

Anyway ...

Her situation makes me think of one of my favorite Sara Bareilles song; I know that with time, she'll feel strong and be on her own.

"Bluebird" 

Word came through in a letter,
One of us changing our minds.
You won't need to guess who
Since I usually do not send letters to me
That are mine

I told him I saw this coming,
That I'd practically packed up my things.
I was glad at the time that I said I was fine
But all honesty knows, I wasn't ready, no

And so here we go bluebird,
Back to the sky on your own.
Oh, let him go bluebird,
Ready to fly,
You and I,
Here we go.
Here we go.

This pair of wings worn and rusted,
From too many years by my side.
They can carry me, swear to be,
Sturdy and strong but see,
Turning them on still means goodbye.

And so here we go bluebird,
Gather your strength and rise up.
Oh, let him go bluebird
Oh, let him go bluebird
Oh, let him go bluebird

Ready to fly,
You and I,
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go...

60 min
Almost 5 miles
600 calories burned

Go me

Love is friendship caught on fire

Girl Talk: I Fell In Love With My Best Friend | The Frisky:

"Two days later, I showed up at his apartment with a homemade pumpkin pie I made him for his birthday. When he leaned over to kiss me for the first time, I almost started laughing. This was Ethan, the man I had gotten to know so well over the past eight months, my best friend. With Josh I used to feel nervous and self-conscious. I’d hold in my stomach and make sure I was always wearing makeup, even in the morning. With Ethan, I didn’t have to fake anything. I remembered the expression, “love is friendship caught on fire.” That’s what had happened, we caught on fire."

I think that's what love is supposed to feel like. It's supposed to feel comfortable and honest. I think it's supposed to feel like you can truly be who you are without any hesitation. I think more often than not, we try to be the perfect fit for someone else that we loose ourselves along the way. By loosing ourselves, we can't ever be truly happy. So, by forming a deep friendship, we can be happy in more ways than one. We can be ourselves while sharing our lives with that special someone.

'via Blog this'

I am grateful that our time together made me so sure that being who I am is right.

Girl Talk: Dating A Man With Autism Taught Me To Be Myself | The Frisky:

"In some ways, even though they feel like a blur, I think I learned more about myself in those three months with Paul than I did in all my years of dating. I learned that the freedom to be completely myself, flaws and all, is something I absolutely need in a relationship. Being with Paul for that brief period, feeling so accepted for who I was, at my most intense and open, confirmed that for me. So even though I have moments of anger over how quickly Paul used that openness against me and declared it somehow wrong, I am grateful that our time together made me so sure that being who I am is right."

The Elongated Date

Dating Fact: At A Certain Point, A Long First Date Actually Becomes A Second Date

This is an interesting concept. I like it. A first date can become a 2nd ... 3rd ... and so forth ... date even though they're all in the same sitting.

By this definition, I have been on many elongated dates ... especially in my previous relationships. In those relationships, the guys did not live in the same city as I, and thus, making elongated dates more likely. We would often spend entire weekends together before we were "official." Also, elongated dates can be really fun. If you're having a great time with someone, why cut it short because it's only the first date? Seems silly to me. The lines can, and often do, get murky with these long dates. These long dates can make you feel like you're moving too fast; but by spending all this time together, you're naturally connecting in a deeper level than just going out for coffee for an hour.  So, I like this idea. I like it that just because you've only have technically have only had one date doesn't mean that you're only on date number one; you could easily be on date number 3 or 4 after your outing together. 

Hot mess

Girl Talk: Everyone Saw Me Cry

I've been there. I've cried. In.Public. Embarrasing. Foolish. But, ultimately, absolutely worth it. Crying to me therapeutic. It makes me feel better.  There's something about crying that just allows me to let it all go.  

Ultimately, crying can serve many purposes. Joy. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. Pain. It's freeing if you allow yourself to just let go.

How's life going?

How could one simple question cause so much anxiety, pain, and even a little anger?

I emailed my ex yesterday to ask for a bicycle rack that we had bought together. If he wasn't using it, I would like to have it because I want to get a new bike and be able to take it places.  Simple question, right?  Good news is that I can have it, so I don't have to buy a new one. Yay! But he ended the email with, "How's life going?"

I emailed him before going to bed last night and completely forgot about until I checked my email right before lunch today. As soon as I saw his name in my inbox, my palms got sweaty, and my heart started beating super fast.  First of all, it was really hard for me to even email him at all because we have not spoken since I broke up with him. Anytime I've needed anything from him or something of mine that he had, I always spoke with his mom; she always relayed the message for me.

Second, why does he really care? Why the sudden concern? Yes, we dated and for a while at that.  But ... he completely and totally broke my heart.  I was destroyed and betrayed. He did the one thing he promised me he would never do.  Plus, I tried to break up with him; he begged to get back together, and I took him back.  He, then, completely broke my heart by cheating on me about a month after that. He didn't care enough about me at that point to have the decency to break up with me before going out with that girl. Plus, why couldn't he have let me go when we first broke up? Why put me through the pain of being cheated on  when he had been (sorta) through the same thing?

Lastly, I wanted to write him back and be really nasty. I wanted to say, "Thanks, much better now that you're out of my life." That wouldn't have been a lie, though.  Instead, I said "Life is great. Thanks." I have to admit that I'm surprised at the fact that I had these emotions running through me. I'm a little surprised that I got such a big reaction out that "How's life going?"

Even though the break up caused A LOT of pain and hurt, I'm thankful that I went through that. Because of the experiences I had with David, I am now a much stronger person. I learned a lot about myself and grew into, what I think, the person I'm supposed to be.  I can now stand up for what I believe in without compromising my morals.  I have a lot more self esteem and now believe in myself.  I believe that I deserve good things and don't have to settle.  Lastly, even though I like being in a relationship and love the companionship that comes out of it, I don't have to be in one to be happy.  The old me would have settled for the first guy that showed interest. Instead, I've gone out on a lot of dates over the past 6-7 months and have--attempted--to figure out what's important to me in a relationship.  So, for that, I'm grateful that I went through what I did. Lastly, I feel like I'm ready to date for the right reasons.

"Do people still say bang?"

Today's post will more than likely be short, but I feel like I have something to say . . .  I do a lot of my thinking in the car. Tonight was the perfect night to do that.  As I drove down from the northside, a small sliver of the moon attempted to light up the night skies.  It looked beautiful.  It's amazing to me how a small and simple item can be so magnificent!


Anyway, I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love again tonight.  I still feel the same way that I did about soul mates, but I think that we all have many different soul mates instead of just having one. We have many different people who can be the perfect fit for us.  But . . . Something new that I'm taking away from watching it a second time is that I very much feel like I will find my perfect match one day.  It's been a tough road for me for the past year or year and half, but I'm in a really good place in my life now.  I have faith.  I've been really impatient in these regards recently.  I've gone on a lot of dates over the past 6 months, and lets just say that many were not close to being anywhere near perfect. But I can laugh at these experiences and have certainly learned from them.  So I just need to step back and just let it be. The best thing that I can do is to be the best person that I can be and give back to the universe in any way possible. Good things will happen to me if I just wait.

This leads me to something that I truly believe in ... KARMA. All of our actions have consequences in one way or another. In simple words, you get what you give.  If you treat others with respect, you'll get respect back. If you're the best person that you know how to be, then you'll get that back into your life.   Also, I think that you get what you put out . . . If you're positive, then that's what you attract. You'll bring positivity back into your life. Honestly, who wouldn't want that?

Adele has been great to me.  I've been listening to her new album on repeat ever since it came out.  There are many songs that speak to me.  It's as if she was inside of my head when she wrote these lyrics (Sara Bareilles too!!).  Anyway, on my drive down while admiring the moon "Rolling in the Deep" came on my ipod.  Every time the song comes on, I turn the radio WAY WAY up and just belt out the song. Every time I do, I feel a little negativity leaving my mind.  As many times that I have heard and belted out the song, I always seem to notice something different about it.  This really stood out to me tonight . . .

"Throw your soul through every open door/ Count your blessings to find what you look for/ Turn my sorrow into treasured gold/ You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow" Adele

This goes right along with the whole karma deal . . . I think she's taking about having faith and being thankful for what you have and who you are.  There are lessons to be learned, even in those situations that just SUCK! Eventually, those who wronged you will get theirs. So, just trust in the universe and yourself, and everything will work out.